roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
