I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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