I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
