I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
