so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
