I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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