life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
