thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
