So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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