My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
there is glitter all over my balls
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
