Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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