I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You took a bar mat shot.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize