I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
