WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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