I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
