Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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