There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
