He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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