fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
