Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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