It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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