Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
