she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
