I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize