In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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