We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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