Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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