So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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