Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have aggressive nipples.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
