That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
