I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
