i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
