I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize