remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
