is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
