Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
