We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
