I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
then he tried to convert me to islam
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
