I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
