I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
