Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
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there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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