you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I need to sanitize my soul.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize