Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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