Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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