have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
