1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
