Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
