I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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