Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Vodka?
Forever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize