Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
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It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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