My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
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Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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