What did we do last night that was yellow?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
