I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
sex in a hospital.. check
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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