You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
