Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
false alarm, still single
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
