I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
