On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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