8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
