Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
