hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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