Having a random hookup so left but love u
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
