1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
