We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The feeling are messing with the penis
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
